Fallen into the Abyss: Confession of an Entrepreneur

I have over a dozen unheard voice messages on my phone, and for the most part I’m not answering it, I also haven’t been eating and I’m either not sleeping or sleeping too much. It was great last week because we had a quick surge of progress and a lot to do. However, so far this week everything is stalemate, which is causing me anguish, frustrations and a trip into the abyss.

A trip to the abyss means that I go into almost complete isolation. I hate being around people when I’m in a bad mood. And this hurry up and wait is ticking me off (a good deal of it is self-generated, but there are a few outside sources and circumstance that aren’t helping the situation). I’m the type of person who shuts out the world when I’m feeling angry or upset. Thankfully, interactions over the internet are easier to maintain even while in a bad mood, but I’m still avoiding the majority of those as well.

If anyone reading this blog ever wondered why I’m still single—this would be the main reason. I’m a workaholic and when things slow down, I shut down, and I want to be completely alone to recharge. I normally stay in the abyss for a few days and then I snap out of it with renewed vigor or new progress will get me back into the groove.

My roommate thinks I need to have a few drinks, my other friends thinks I really need to go out and have some fun and another friends thinks…what I need is a good—you can fill in the blank.

There is one thing this mood is good for—killer workouts. Since I’ve never been one to socialize at the gym, pass a nod or a wave, people never know whether or not I’m in a good mood or bad mood ( I also smile no matter what). They all just know I’m very intense about my workouts. I went to the gym tonight and probably waved, nodded and smiled at ten people and none of them knew I was in a crappy mood. I'll be very sore tomorrow because I was pushing some serious weights around.

On a side note: It took me almost a week to go buy a new fridge…I know that normal people would have been out the same day, to either get the fridge fixed, or to get a new one. But, it really didn’t matter to me. I finally went out today to get a new fridge because in order to train properly I have to eat…if I wasn’t training, I probably wouldn’t care much about eating. Training keeps me healthy, in shape, sharp and alert.

Truth is, My world IS building and developing Why Go Solo. Anything that is not related or connected to Why Go Solo is either somewhere in my peripheral vision or not anywhere on my radar. I almost desire Why Go Solo more then my next breath. Perhaps my passion borderlines on a slight obsession, but I don’t really want it any other way.

Establishing and building a business is a challenge like no other I’ve ever experienced. The process pushes you, helps your grow, makes you learn, drives you nuts, brings you pain; it tests every skills and bit of knowledge you possess and makes you do things you would never imagine doing. Your hard work, your ideas, your vision and your heart and soul are the originators and providers for this concept you are creating. It’s becomes a huge part of you. As you are molding it... IT, is molding YOU. You learn to dig deeper and you get smarter, tougher and wiser. You also constantly redefine how determined you are, how much perseverance you have and continuously grow your will to succeed.