Tick, Tock

Tick, tock…tick, tock that’s what I’m hearing in my head. Tick, tock…tick, tock, it’s rather torturous and it’s making me miserable. My partners (Martin and Ruth) and I are waiting for funding in order for us to get started on our new venture.

It’s a very exciting venture. I will tell you all about in the upcoming posts, but right now, I really want to share my absolute misery with you. I think I’m a few days away from having a serious break-down.

Allow me to take you back in time for a moment. On February 12, 2007 I was sitting in Chipotle off of Prince William Parkway, in Woodbridge, Va. I wasn’t in the best state of mind. I was in the process of closing a venture (LGS Coaching Agency) I had embarked upon since getting out of the Marine Corps back in 2005. This was a very difficult thing for me to do. It felt like I had failed at something that I thought was suppose to be part of my future and destiny and I was letting a lot of people down, to include myself. I had been so determined, focused and involved in making the Coaching Agency work that everything else in my life had taken a back seat. I felt so empty, tired and disappointed.

I had also sunk a lot of money into it…to include investment money from a friend. So, I was basically broke and definitely depressed. I was trying really hard to see the light, to understand why this was happening and what I was suppose to do next.

I sat there, eating my chicken burrito bowl (I love those) while looking around and that’s when I was hit by an idea for a new venture. I went home and wrote the concept out and emailed it to a few people, whom I thought, would be wonderful partners to embark on this venture with me. I was ready to work towards making this new venture work, but I couldn’t do it alone. I didn’t have the will, energy or all the required skills.

I created a very ambitious timeline and attempted to get everyone working towards it. Well, it didn’t quite pan out. (I’ll discuss business partnerships and what happened with that in a later post). We needed to write a business plan and the responsibility to write the plan landed squarely on my shoulders. This was a daunting and exhausting thought. In the end, Martin and I were left standing and working towards getting the venture furthered developed, planned out and someday off the ground.

Luckily, we are almost neighbors so it was/is easy to meet when we need(ed) to. I read the Art of the Start by Guy Kioyaski and started out by writing out an executive summary, in the hope that may be, I wouldn’t have to write a full plan. (Hello, wishful thinking and denial). After meeting with Martin a few times, we expanded on the original concept and I finally had enough meat to get started on the business plan. I got busy writing the business plan which involved doing a lot of research and digging deep into my will power to be thorough and to stay motivated. Thankfully, Martin worked on doing the financial statements, which I suck at, and helped gather data.


It took me a little less then two weeks to write the plan. We sent it out to a few people for review and began brainstorming funding options.

I want to note that there’s a lot that took place during the process of writing the business plan which, once again, I’ll cover in another posts!! Sorry, I just want to set the stage that leads me to my current misery.

We also went through a lot while searching for funding sources, and then, when we thought we had finally found one, a blast from the past changed things up. This was more then 25 days ago. Since then, absolutely NOTHING has happened to make me believe the money will actually be made available to us. I keep believing, trusting and hoping, but I just don’t know how much longer this can go on. Besides the fact that it’s driving me insane, I can’t pay my mortgage next month.

Closing the Coaching Agency was rough, but after discovering this exciting new venture I realized that the Coaching Agency wasn’t going to really provide me the lifestyle I seek and want. The main thing I want in life is to have fun while making a difference. The Coaching Agency required a good deal of effort, time, and was a lot of work with little to no pay off. The new venture is set-up to be all fun with huge pay outs, and of course, it will make a huge difference in millions of people’s lives.

Once again, I have been focused, dedicated, determined and a huge risk taker towards making my dreams come true and getting the life I want and seek. And where does this leave me? Hanging…it’s leaving me hanging?? I’ve expanded the energy, money, and put my heart and soul into making this happen. I meditate, pray and visualize. (Not just me, Martin and Ruth, both, do the same too).

I need to start considering some other options because, like I mentioned, I’m broke and need to get back to reality and start making some money again.

My heart is breaking, yet again. A break-up with a person is a sliver of pain, compared to engaging a 100% towards making your dreams come true and hitting walls, after walls. I’m not giving up. I just need to find a way to keep going.