Tough Love and Forever Overcoming Fears

I'm in a bind...with what to write about, so I decided to share a little piece of background and information about myself. It's the story of how I learned about fear; the power of fears and the need to face them:

When I was about eight or nine years old I had a tremendous fear of spiders, than one day, I was cleaning the bathroom as part of my weekly chores, when I saw a spider nested behind the toilet. I screamed and ran out of the bathroom.

My step mom came down to see what the ruckus was all about. I was almost in tears and told her about the spider. Now, what you’re about to read might shock you…

She didn’t go into the bathroom to kill the spider—instead, she locked me into the bathroom with the spider. I panicked. I screamed, yelled, cried, begged and pleaded to be left out. She told me the only way out was to kill the spider.

I remember sitting down in the opposite corner and talking to myself to calm myself down. I came to realize I had to address my fear. The only way out of this situation was to face my fear. I dug deep, decided I wasn’t afraid and found the courage to kill the spider.

When I was finally let out of the bathroom that day, I had learned an extremely valuable lesson, at the tender age or eight or nine…Don’t let your fears corner you and lock you up. Have the courage to face them. The only thing between you and freedom is facing and surmounting your fear. I'm grateful to have learn such a valuable lesson so young.

What might sound like a traumatizing experience, made me face my fears and from that day onward to today…there’s nothing I won’t take on. I don’t hesitate or blink in the face of fear or adversity.

I don't recommend going to extremes to overcome a fear, but I say seek out what makes you fearful and do something about it...it's the only way the fear will vanish.

The Rites of Passage (Part I)

I earned the title of Marine by going through 13 weeks of Boot Camp ( pre Marine Combat Training for females) and then I earned the title Lieutenant by going through another 10 weeks at Officer Candidate School (OCS)…so I’m used to going through a variety of “rites of passage” and earning the right to graduate to the next level.

I graduated OCS with a pelvic stress fracture. After six months of recovery and being fed up of waiting, I was ready to start the next phase of my training (The Basic School). However, my doctor gave me a 10% chance of making it through another arduous six months of training. I remember him asking me: “Does this hurt?, Does this hurt?, Does this hurt?” while moving my leg around and me answering “No, No and No”. He finally asked me: “Would you tell me if it hurt?” and I replied “No” and that's when he shook his head and signed off my paper work allowing me to start training. I knew what I was made of...but he didn’t, otherwise; he would have given me better odds!!

But, as luck would have it, three months into training I badly injured my right ankle during a very important field exercise. Normally, getting injured at that point in training meant getting “dropped and recycled”. I knew I couldn’t afford having that happen to me, so although, I was on crutches; I asked to return to the field exercise. I remember a defining moment when the Executive Officer of the Company yelled back at me, soon after I’d left his office from asking, yet again, to be allowed to keep training: “Lt. Bernard, you are very persistent aren’t you?” I replied by yelling back “Yes, Sir” and he said “It just might pay off for you”

The next day, he brought me out to meet back up with the Marines in my platoon and I finished the field exercise by working in the Command Operation Center (COC). After graduating, I found out that the Executive Officer had taken full responsibility for me in order to be able to take me back out to the field exercise, and therefore, rescuing me from getting “dropped and recycled” to another company. He told me he knew I had what it took and I was worth taken a chance on.

You must have heart, guts, determination, will power and mental strength to make it through that type of training, particularly while surmounting injuries, but I also needed someone to see my potential and cut me a break.

What I’m answering for myself now is: What are the rites of passage to getting a shot at getting Why Go Solo off the ground? Or in more general terms: What are the rites of passage to getting a shot at getting a start-up off the ground.

To be continued…

Fallen into the Abyss: Confession of an Entrepreneur

I have over a dozen unheard voice messages on my phone, and for the most part I’m not answering it, I also haven’t been eating and I’m either not sleeping or sleeping too much. It was great last week because we had a quick surge of progress and a lot to do. However, so far this week everything is stalemate, which is causing me anguish, frustrations and a trip into the abyss.

A trip to the abyss means that I go into almost complete isolation. I hate being around people when I’m in a bad mood. And this hurry up and wait is ticking me off (a good deal of it is self-generated, but there are a few outside sources and circumstance that aren’t helping the situation). I’m the type of person who shuts out the world when I’m feeling angry or upset. Thankfully, interactions over the internet are easier to maintain even while in a bad mood, but I’m still avoiding the majority of those as well.

If anyone reading this blog ever wondered why I’m still single—this would be the main reason. I’m a workaholic and when things slow down, I shut down, and I want to be completely alone to recharge. I normally stay in the abyss for a few days and then I snap out of it with renewed vigor or new progress will get me back into the groove.

My roommate thinks I need to have a few drinks, my other friends thinks I really need to go out and have some fun and another friends thinks…what I need is a good—you can fill in the blank.

There is one thing this mood is good for—killer workouts. Since I’ve never been one to socialize at the gym, pass a nod or a wave, people never know whether or not I’m in a good mood or bad mood ( I also smile no matter what). They all just know I’m very intense about my workouts. I went to the gym tonight and probably waved, nodded and smiled at ten people and none of them knew I was in a crappy mood. I'll be very sore tomorrow because I was pushing some serious weights around.

On a side note: It took me almost a week to go buy a new fridge…I know that normal people would have been out the same day, to either get the fridge fixed, or to get a new one. But, it really didn’t matter to me. I finally went out today to get a new fridge because in order to train properly I have to eat…if I wasn’t training, I probably wouldn’t care much about eating. Training keeps me healthy, in shape, sharp and alert.

Truth is, My world IS building and developing Why Go Solo. Anything that is not related or connected to Why Go Solo is either somewhere in my peripheral vision or not anywhere on my radar. I almost desire Why Go Solo more then my next breath. Perhaps my passion borderlines on a slight obsession, but I don’t really want it any other way.

Establishing and building a business is a challenge like no other I’ve ever experienced. The process pushes you, helps your grow, makes you learn, drives you nuts, brings you pain; it tests every skills and bit of knowledge you possess and makes you do things you would never imagine doing. Your hard work, your ideas, your vision and your heart and soul are the originators and providers for this concept you are creating. It’s becomes a huge part of you. As you are molding it... IT, is molding YOU. You learn to dig deeper and you get smarter, tougher and wiser. You also constantly redefine how determined you are, how much perseverance you have and continuously grow your will to succeed.

AHHHH, Come On........Cut me Some Slack

My Fridge is dead!! I swear, I’ve never had so many things break on me, in such a short period of time!! This just reaffirms my belief that homeownership just isn’t for me. Here are the reasons why I should never have bought my townhouse:

• I love to move around too much. Owning my townhouse has made it impossible to for me to leave this over priced, traffic hell, family suburban area.

• I don’t do, care to do, or care to worry about outside maintenance and grooming. Thank God, I have the world’s BEST Neighbors. I mean it. I have the most amazing neighbors who take care of me…it would be even scarier then it is, otherwise. They cut my grass, trim my bushes and take care of the little stuff that comes up.

• I’m basically a bachelor. My walls are white. I have no decorations or even curtains, for that matter. Being a bachelor helps a little with the fridge breaking…at least, I’m not losing a large amount of food. My fridge is normally pretty empty, except for milk, eggs, orange juice, salad dressing and pickles.

• When stuff breaks I want to make a call to one person and have them worry about getting it fixed. I don’t want to go through the phone book and find someone…or worry about the details.

My fridge is only three years old…I can’t believe it’s broke.

The magnets are from all the different places I’ve been:

Japan

Okinawa

Hong Kong

Singapore

Macau

Guam

Darwin, Australia

Thailand

S. Korea

Hawaii

Brass Balls, Got em'?!?! Great, Let's Talk

Asking my father for money required me to really dig deep, grab hold and just go ahead and do it. That was last Tuesday…on Sunday, a call from my older brother that started casual, but was really about a new layer to the whole my getting some money, unveiled a lot of stuff that brought much pain, hurt, anger, relief and answers.

I truly, truly want my life to run smoothly and with ease. However, that’s not what I’ve ever gotten. Instead I keep taking beatings…and I keep getting back up because it’s not going to be over until I say it’s over. Like always, I’m facing the pain I’m feeling head on, I’m choosing to look on the bright side of the situation and I’m also electing to not hold a grudge and to simply forgive. And that is all part of having Brass Balls.

Here are all the traits and characteristics it takes to be a person with REAL Brass Balls (according to Ann):

Admit Weaknesses and Ask for Help: We all have them. We all have weaknesses but only those will real strength and wisdom will admit their weaknesses to themselves and to those who need to know them. You can’t be provided assistance and help…if you don’t admit, show or ask for it. You also can’t work on and improve your weak areas without first facing the fact that they exist.

Admit Wrongs and Mistakes/Say you are Sorry: A person with brass balls will easily say “Hey, I’m sorry. I was wrong about a, b, and c.” Or, “I made a mistake and I have learned. I will not make the same mistake again.”

Forgive Those That Do you Wrong: It takes an even bigger set of brass balls to forgive those who do us wrong. To accept that people are not perfect. We all make mistakes and whether or not the other person is asking for forgiveness, offer forgiveness, because there’s no point in carrying pain, anger and hurt around.

Express Feelings and Emotions: To speak and communicate your true emotions and how you feel is a very difficult thing to do…and a thing most people avoid at all cost, when in reality, having the brass balls to express yourself fixes lots of problems. Saying: I’m hurt, I’m angry, I’m feeling mad, I’m feeling so much pain, I’m proud, I’m happy, I’m disappointed—the list is long and we all know it…a person with brass balls expresses it.

Tell the Truth: You’ve got a pair?!?! Then you don’t lie. You tell the truth, and in sticky, difficult situations, you use lots of tact to do it, but you still tell the truth. People want to hear and be told the truth. No one wants lies, empty promises, and make belief stories. The truth shall set you free.

Address issues: This is similar to telling the truth, but a little more intense. The person with brass balls is the person who calls out the pink elephant that’s in the room. Who doesn’t avoid addressing the real issues head on and calling it (tactfully) the way they see it.

Face Fears: A person with brass balls is not without fears. They are, however, armed with courage and bravery. It might take time to face certain fears ,but they don’t avoid it, run away from it or try to bury it. Here’s a good cliché: There’s nothing to fear but fear itself. Don’t allow fear to stop you from being all that you are meant to be and to reach your full potential. Dig deep and check out what’s down there.

Face Challenges: Much like fear…people with brass balls will take on and face the challenges they encounter. Some people go after them and create them…but that’s not a requirement to earning your brass balls.

Think Positively: A person with brass balls has a positive attitude and outlook on life. They see no point in being any other way. Being positive is what makes you strong mentally. Being mentally strong is what helps you be strong emotionally and physically.

Deal with Uncertainty and the Unknown: This is a key component to having brass balls. A person with true, solid brass balls has NO COMFORT ZONES. They live comfortably in an environment of uncertainty and unknown. They possess supreme confidence and are prepared to face anything that comes their way.

I’m personally always working on increasing the size of my brass balls…of course, I mean that figuratively!! And so should YOU.


If you google the words Brass Balls...you'll get some interesting sites. On one of the sites you can send out a Ballz-O-Gram. Click on the picture if interested.

Once A Marine, Always a Marine

ORDER TO MUSTER DUTY PER TITLE 10 U.S.C. SECTION 12319

From: Commanding General, Marine Corps Mobilization Command (MOBCOM)
To: Capt Ann Bernard

Subj: INDIVIDUAL READY RESERVE (IRR) ANNUAL ADMINISTRATIVE SCREENING MUSTER DUTY & INFORMATION BRIEF

That’s part of a letter, well more like orders, I received a few weeks ago.

At 0830 (8:30am) this morning I was in Annapolis MD, at the Naval Academy in the basketball stadium with hundreds of other IRR Marines. It was an unbelievably odd feeling to be around former Marines and Marines again.

I’ve been out of the Marine Corps for almost two years and for the most part, I’ve been avoiding any, and all, contact with anything Marine related. Why?? It’s still too hard. I served for ten years. I was 17 when I joined...the Marine Corps is embedded in who I am and a day like today, makes it very hard for me to not just go back in.

While we were waiting for the General to do his opening statement, all sorts of videos were playing about Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom. It was pretty unbearable to be reminded of what my fellow Marines are doing, how they are serving and what they are going through while I’m now safely sitting back here.

Mostly everyone that was in the stadium had served in either Afghanistan or Iraq….some multiple times and all of us are just a call away from going back. A Chief Warrant Officer came to talk to me, to let me know how badly Company Grade Officers are needed in both Reserve Units and for Individual Augmentation (IA) billets. Since returning home, I've been asking myself this question: Given the right billet (job/position) would I go back on Active Duty for a year in Iraq?? I attached some pics below from my tour in Iraq about two years ago...I've been doing a lot of reminiscing.

The Sergeant Major for MOBCOM said something that also stuck with me, he said: “Now, that you’ve earned the title (Marine) what are you going to do with it?” What am I doing to do with it, indeed? A very small percentage of the population will ever earn the title Marine and it stands for great things and has a glorious history attached to it. He talked about how there is nothing a Marine cannot do. We have the discipline, strength, honor and mental fortitude to accomplish, overcome, and achieve anything we set ourselves to do. His short speech was meant to motivate us to sign-up for the active reserve—what it did for me, was really fire me up.

I kicked ass in the Marine Corps and I never took NO for an answer. I never backed down from a fight and I always stood up for myself and my Marines. I fought for the opportunities I wanted and got them. In the last two years I’ve become more docile and less of a fighter. Well, I’m done with that.

I am so fed up and tired of people jerking me around when it comes to raising the funding for Why Go Solo. The way I see it, You are IN or You are OUT…because I’m done holding hands. I came up with a new plan while I was in the gym taking out my frustrations that I will discuss with Martin tomorrow morning.

Someday, some of the people we have talked to about investing in Why Go Solo will look back and hate themselves...but that’s how life goes.

The following pictures were taken in Iraq...mostly in and around the Green Zone. I'm not big on taking pictures, so everytime I left the Green Zone I forgot to take my camera with me...

Still NO A/C

What a day...and I still don't have A/C. How would you like this happening at your house!?!?

I had chocolate cake tonight...I simply needed it!!

Pride and Ego at Play

What a ride the last few days have been! First, sorry for keeping you in suspense—I did get the job at Vitalia MedSpa…as a matter of fact, I interviewed on Wednesday at noon and was told I had the job before 5pm the same day.

I was happy and excited to find out I had the job and at the same time I felt like crying. Not tears of joy—tears of change. For most of the last two years , except for a stint at Starbucks (yes, I worked for two months as a barista) and some freelance coaching with Career Services International; I’ve been working for myself…setting my own hours, setting the pace and only answering to me. It’s been difficult at times and at times very boring, but to be honest, being self-employed is the only option for me.

On Thursday, I went in to work for some training and briefings. I came home Thursday evening, after being stuck in traffic, completely exhausted. The entire day involved dealing with more emotions related to the whole situation I'm in and I realized how much my ego and pride were key players to me feeling bruised, hurt, discontent, out of place and under new constraints.

Everyone is fabulous and wonderful and the new job, is indeed, a perfect fit…the way I feel has nothing to do with that…it has everything to do with me. I am currently not where I imagined myself to be in life. I have fallen short of my expectations, my desires and my goals. I can’t think, nor see myself, as just someone who works for someone else. I can’t have others see me or think of me that way either. I really thought, that by now, I would be further along in building my own empire.

About two weeks ago, I went to the movies with someone I met online through Craigslist. After explaining what I was doing to him, he replied: “So you’re unemployed?” I wanted to cuss at him and get up and leave. I realized, of course, that he was just calling it the way he saw it. I replied with: “You’re obviously not a visionary.” But his comment, unfortunately, stayed with me and it took me a few days to digest it. That is not what drove me to get a job, paying the bills is what brought me to get a job, but everything is wrapped up together and suspended all around me.

I know what I’m capable of doing and yet, it’s not happening. I’ve been brewing on this a lot more. Given that I am trained as a coach, I understand that there is no value in our ego or in our pride. Neither are useful when it comes to reaching real happiness, contentment, or spiritual growth. My worth, my confidence and who I am is not rooted in what I do, accomplish and possess, but guess what—I’m HUMAN. My ego and pride do come out and play…they do drive me to perform better, to achieve more and to reach higher levels of success. I think BIG and I want BIG things to happen in my life and for my life.

I’m a little (as in very) pissed off that I’m not where I want to be and I’m determined to turn up the heat and get there.